We Are… Penn Skate!

Yes, you read correctly. There is no typo in the title. We really are “Penn Skate!” During the cold months at University Park, the students suffer through bitter cold temperatures, freezing weather while braving the elements, and miserably dangerous walks to classes. This is unacceptable. College is supposed to be a safe environment where students feel comfortable going to classes and furthering their education. Penn Skate needs to change the way it handles the massive amount of snow and ice it receives because its current methods are frankly, inefficient.

Most people I know don’t have their personal campus ice rink, but that’s just one of the “privileges” provided to us by the happiest of valleys. No, I’m not talking about an on campus skating rink; I’m talking about Penn Skate Main Campus, where you get to skate on campus. This phenomenon only occurs every other day during the bitter cold winter when an army of brooms break out to clear away the snow and ice. But if the snow and ice is being cleared, there shouldn’t be an ice rink, right? Wrong.

The Penn State maintenance staff is careful not to deprive us of the opportunity to slip and slide across the frozen sidewalks as we attempt to make our way to class. They allow a full two hours or more because actually beginning to clear the sidewalks, giving students with 8 am classes first dibs on the deathly sidewalks. But to make up for it, they bring out their parade of “brushes” to spread the snow around, creating slush for all to share. If you’re lucky, you might even get sprayed by these wonderful machines on your way to class. What could be better than cooling off with a shower of dirty and slush in below zero temperatures? It seems the luckiest ones are the ones who spend the most time getting ready for classes, only to be adorned with slush; compliments of the Penn Skate campus maintenance staff. Never been sprayed before? No worries, the Penn Skate staff is sure to throw down just enough salt to turn that deathly snow into a great slush that is sure to soak through all types of fabric! What to add some color to your brand new $200 UGG boots? No problem! Penn Skate’s got you covered! (Literally!)

A few weeks ago, my friend came to class with her jeans rolled up, in 13 degree weather. At first I thought she was crazy, but after careful inspection, I realized that her jeans were actually soaking wet and she had rolled them up to keep them from making her legs cold. When I asked what happened, she grumbled about being sprayed by the “snow monster.” She had been walking on her way to class when one of the many brushes turned the corner, spewing slush all over the left side of her body, leaving her cold, wet, and covered in grime. She spent the rest of the class period grumpy and cold.

The poor management of clearing away snow and ice has definitely brought about a sense of pride amongst us Penn Skate students. Maybe we should change our mascot to a penguin instead. But in all seriousness, the slippery sidewalks are a danger to the student body. With the amount of funding Penn State gets, shouldn’t we be able to afford a few snow plows?

The brushes they are currently using are counterproductive. Instead of clearing away snow, it just moves it around. At best, it leaves a layer of slippery ice behind. This is actually worse than what we started with because snow has a bit of friction to it. Ice on the other hand, has much less, making the walk up to classes in the northern area of campus terrifyingly dangerous. I would really appreciate if I didn’t have to worry about losing my life on the way to classes each day, and I’m sure my fellow classmates can contest to that as well.

Last month, I had arranged to meet some friends up at East Halls. I left a bit later than my usual twenty minus to walk up the hill from my dorm, figuring if I walked a bit faster, I would still make it. Little did I know, the slush that had been on the ground has completely frozen over and the freezing rain that was now falling only made it worse. I ran out of my building practically plummeting head first into the streets. I looked around to see if anyone noticed my clumsiness, but instead I got a sympathetic smile from the rest of the students who were also struggling to make their way around campus. We even exchanged travel techniques. I was told that shuffling my feet was much safer than actually trying to lift my feet and walk. I gave the passerby a thankful wave and waddled my way up the hill to meet my friends, careful not to slip and fall back down the hill.

Penn Skate prides itself in providing a safe learning environment for its student body. They provide call boxes for the students to use when they feel that they are in any sort of danger. But when the danger is the campus itself, the call boxes are of no use. Of course, Penn Skate isn’t the only campus that gets snow, but other campuses handle snow better. This is because their maintenance staff uses plows and salts the roads and sidewalks early so that by the time students have to go to class, the walk is manageable. If not, classes are either cancelled or delayed.

My friends from the Philadelphia area came to visit one weekend and were astonished by the lack of clear sidewalks on the Penn Skate campus. Even though Temple gets less snow than we do, the “owls” get more delays for their classes than the “Penn Skate penguins.” My friends’ professors cancel classes when the weather is too dangerous or unmanageable to ensure that students are safe during the periods of bad weather. They would rather have students lose a day of class rather than lose their lives.

The army of Penn Skate brushes is just like the army of broomsticks in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice from Disney’s Fantasia. They attempt to clean up but end up sloshing water and dirt around, leaving things worse than what was started with. Instead of making more brooms, Penn Skate needs to find an alternative to their current cleaning technique. There are more efficient ways to clearing snow and ice on time. And instead of forcing students to go to classes w the bad weather is too hard to work with, classes should be delayed or cancelled to ensure the security of the students.

In providing quality entertainment for its student body, the Penn Skate “ice rink” does a wonderful job, with the comedic face plants and free slip-and-slide experiences. But when it comes down to safety, it is simply, not cool. These monstrous rotating brushes do not do their job of cleaning the campus to make life easier for students rather they make the trek to classes much more difficult and pathways become less accessible. I’m sorry, but I thought I was enrolled at Penn State, not Penn Skate.

#satire #pennstate